This blog was originally posted as a note on my Facebook account some two years back. Here goes...
My name is Kristin, married but unhappy.
Our first year wedding anniversary is coming but I don't have reasons to celebrate. I feel like my husband doesn’t love me anymore. He always gets easily irritated, and he always has reasons to snap at me. Lately, we’ve always been arguing over trivial things. Small things become big issues.
We are married for only 11 months and look what we are now; not two persons loving each other, but two clashing souls fighting to make a point. It feels so pathetic.
I wish that we could go back a year ago, when we celebrated Valentine’s Day. We were “lovey-dovey” then and aback; we can’t take our hands off each other. Even in public places, we were affectionate and intimate, oblivious to the works of the world. We just didn’t care! We held hands. We kissed and hugged. Now, we don’t. We’ve grown apart.
I remember a time when people commented that I have a “winner” love-life. They always tell me “You may not have the best career, but you have the best love-life”. They were envious.Now, where is my best love-life?
He insists that I am always at fault. What he wants is that I DO WHAT HE WANTS ALL THE TIME. I know I am not perfect. Physically, I turned into an ugly duckling since we wedded. I’ve gained extra pounds, blemished my face, and worsened my stretch marks. But I really didn’t think he was that shallow to take my physical appearance as a fault. But he can take my attitude, instead, because I can be the most stubborn person. So can he. And I am neither the most industrious, the sanest, nor the nicest creature on earth. I know that. But then again, NEITHER HE.
The problem with me is that I AM NOT BORN A FOLLOWER. When I make a point, I stand firm and want others to at least listen and reconsider. I just don't always follow. And when I don’t agree with people, I tell them so. The problem with Louie is that HE NEVER LISTENS AND HE NEVER RECONSIDERS. He is very opinionated, and nothing could ever skew his beliefs. He’s too bossy, too demanding, and too much of a control freak. He wants everything to be very clean, very orderly, and very oh-so-perfect. He wants the dishes to be cleaned right away; doesn’t want to see used clothes on the hamper for too long. It’s okay if I am not doing anything in my life, but I’m a mother and I cannot do all the things that need to be done right away. I have Kert, my top priority. Most of my time is spent breastfeeding and cradling my baby. Can’t anyone see how ugly I am right now? That’s because I hardly find time for myself lately. Even my toenails are already screaming of pedicure!
One more thing, he never apologizes. Even when he knew he did me wrong, he never apologizes. It was always I who say sorry after a fight, be it my fault or not.
I have mistakes, too. I have demands. I complain. I am not perfect. And I’m still learning to be a good mother and a good wife. All I want is a give-and-take relationship. If one commits mistake, the other should just be patient. If one is angry, the other should be cool. What happens most of the time is that we fight and throw hateful verbal retorts to one another. It's just too difficult to pretend to be okay when in reality, you're screaming with irritation inside. And it is more too difficult NOT to feel inadequacy and insecurity after each fight. It seems hopeless.
But I am hoping that we’re only going through what they call “the adjustment period” of the newly-weds, because if not, then I am really, really, really in big trouble now. I wouldn’t know what to do if Louie totally loses his love for me. He’s been my world for 5 years now and I can’t imagine my life without him. I’d be lost.
I know there is still a chance to revive everything. For one thing, we don’t have third parties. Louie is everything but a womanizer. I’m not bragging about it but so far, we still have not argued over doubtful texts and calls from any girl of present or past. And I hope we remain that way; no arguments over any girl in future.
Meanwhile, what I want to do right now is cry because Louie is going away. But I hope distance and time will not separate us further but rather, will give us space to think things over and make us miss one another. I really miss us.
So much for my hedonistic doctrine on my profile, huh? Oh, well. Even the happiest person on earth goes through sh*t moments sometimes. :) In this case, it's just funny that I have felt unhappiness early on my marriage with Louie.And to think we were 4 years on before we finally got married. Things like this happen often, even to those who have known each other since infancy (If you watch ABS CBN's Kung Ako'y Iiwan MO, you could relate to me). Previously happy couples grow apart. Seemingly trivial things accumulate into a big pile of reasons to ignite a war. Relationships made in heaven break.
This is the ugly truth. But hey, the make-or-break of a relationship is up to couples.If one person gives up, the hope for reconciliation inevitably disappears.
Lesson number one in marriage: Don't let your self be consumed of pride and depression. Any marital misunderstanding should be dealt with promptly before it gets too late. It's better to voice it out if you are pissed because your husband is not a "manghuhula". Trust me, I have known a lot of men (uncles, friends, cousins) and most of them are just so dense.If you won't tell them, they won't know what pisses you off. So you want to kick him to know you're pissed? Do it. Bang the door. Throw a pillow (Spare the breakables. They're messy). It doesn't matter how you do it. But let him know what you think. There is never a better way than an open communication with your partner.
So what happened to us?
We're better now. I practiced humility to heart. I am not a doormat kind of wife but I learned to just shut up when I should.I let my husband have his way, and he lets me get mine from time to time. Give and take. That's it.
Our first year wedding anniversary is coming but I don't have reasons to celebrate. I feel like my husband doesn’t love me anymore. He always gets easily irritated, and he always has reasons to snap at me. Lately, we’ve always been arguing over trivial things. Small things become big issues.
We are married for only 11 months and look what we are now; not two persons loving each other, but two clashing souls fighting to make a point. It feels so pathetic.
I wish that we could go back a year ago, when we celebrated Valentine’s Day. We were “lovey-dovey” then and aback; we can’t take our hands off each other. Even in public places, we were affectionate and intimate, oblivious to the works of the world. We just didn’t care! We held hands. We kissed and hugged. Now, we don’t. We’ve grown apart.
I remember a time when people commented that I have a “winner” love-life. They always tell me “You may not have the best career, but you have the best love-life”. They were envious.Now, where is my best love-life?
He insists that I am always at fault. What he wants is that I DO WHAT HE WANTS ALL THE TIME. I know I am not perfect. Physically, I turned into an ugly duckling since we wedded. I’ve gained extra pounds, blemished my face, and worsened my stretch marks. But I really didn’t think he was that shallow to take my physical appearance as a fault. But he can take my attitude, instead, because I can be the most stubborn person. So can he. And I am neither the most industrious, the sanest, nor the nicest creature on earth. I know that. But then again, NEITHER HE.
The problem with me is that I AM NOT BORN A FOLLOWER. When I make a point, I stand firm and want others to at least listen and reconsider. I just don't always follow. And when I don’t agree with people, I tell them so. The problem with Louie is that HE NEVER LISTENS AND HE NEVER RECONSIDERS. He is very opinionated, and nothing could ever skew his beliefs. He’s too bossy, too demanding, and too much of a control freak. He wants everything to be very clean, very orderly, and very oh-so-perfect. He wants the dishes to be cleaned right away; doesn’t want to see used clothes on the hamper for too long. It’s okay if I am not doing anything in my life, but I’m a mother and I cannot do all the things that need to be done right away. I have Kert, my top priority. Most of my time is spent breastfeeding and cradling my baby. Can’t anyone see how ugly I am right now? That’s because I hardly find time for myself lately. Even my toenails are already screaming of pedicure!
One more thing, he never apologizes. Even when he knew he did me wrong, he never apologizes. It was always I who say sorry after a fight, be it my fault or not.
I have mistakes, too. I have demands. I complain. I am not perfect. And I’m still learning to be a good mother and a good wife. All I want is a give-and-take relationship. If one commits mistake, the other should just be patient. If one is angry, the other should be cool. What happens most of the time is that we fight and throw hateful verbal retorts to one another. It's just too difficult to pretend to be okay when in reality, you're screaming with irritation inside. And it is more too difficult NOT to feel inadequacy and insecurity after each fight. It seems hopeless.
But I am hoping that we’re only going through what they call “the adjustment period” of the newly-weds, because if not, then I am really, really, really in big trouble now. I wouldn’t know what to do if Louie totally loses his love for me. He’s been my world for 5 years now and I can’t imagine my life without him. I’d be lost.
I know there is still a chance to revive everything. For one thing, we don’t have third parties. Louie is everything but a womanizer. I’m not bragging about it but so far, we still have not argued over doubtful texts and calls from any girl of present or past. And I hope we remain that way; no arguments over any girl in future.
Meanwhile, what I want to do right now is cry because Louie is going away. But I hope distance and time will not separate us further but rather, will give us space to think things over and make us miss one another. I really miss us.
So much for my hedonistic doctrine on my profile, huh? Oh, well. Even the happiest person on earth goes through sh*t moments sometimes. :) In this case, it's just funny that I have felt unhappiness early on my marriage with Louie.And to think we were 4 years on before we finally got married. Things like this happen often, even to those who have known each other since infancy (If you watch ABS CBN's Kung Ako'y Iiwan MO, you could relate to me). Previously happy couples grow apart. Seemingly trivial things accumulate into a big pile of reasons to ignite a war. Relationships made in heaven break.
This is the ugly truth. But hey, the make-or-break of a relationship is up to couples.If one person gives up, the hope for reconciliation inevitably disappears.
Lesson number one in marriage: Don't let your self be consumed of pride and depression. Any marital misunderstanding should be dealt with promptly before it gets too late. It's better to voice it out if you are pissed because your husband is not a "manghuhula". Trust me, I have known a lot of men (uncles, friends, cousins) and most of them are just so dense.If you won't tell them, they won't know what pisses you off. So you want to kick him to know you're pissed? Do it. Bang the door. Throw a pillow (Spare the breakables. They're messy). It doesn't matter how you do it. But let him know what you think. There is never a better way than an open communication with your partner.
So what happened to us?
We're better now. I practiced humility to heart. I am not a doormat kind of wife but I learned to just shut up when I should.I let my husband have his way, and he lets me get mine from time to time. Give and take. That's it.
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